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New Day

Well, I don’t wake up, see new things and have “shock and awe”.

I have “well, that’s just GREAT”.
And sometimes?  I chuckle.  And sometimes?  I still cry.

At idiocy.
At choices that are incredibly ridiculous.
At making connections to people that are clearly not real.  Clearly.
At not being able to handle simple things.
At having no idea what the world is.
At the unimaginable things done.
At the fact that someone never loved you.  Really loved you.  As you did them.  They perhaps hated you.
At the idea that some don’t have to be accountable for their actions.
At the fallacy of a life.
At selfishness.
At the fact they will never own it.  Never.

And?  You chuckle, cry, shake your head, stare into space just…..don’t get it.

Why?  Because your values were never like that.  You thought you had similar values.  Ideals.  Goals.

But you didn’t….

And you know what?  It’s ok now.  Because?  I haven’t compromised my truth.  My ideals.  My dreams.  My future.

I just have to make it my own.

I was already doing that……anyway.  I was already alone…….and didn’t even know.  Alone isn’t scary.  Alone is soothing.

And that?  Brings this Ginger some mighty powerful thoughts.  Mighty powerful plans.  Mighty lofty goals for her boys and herself.

Because?  She is still the same person.  And won’t be broken by the one that she thought she knew for 26 years.

I won’t…because?  I’m stronger than that.  I’m a force.  And that force will prove herself.

Love,
Pulling my chin up…one day at a time

Laundry, cleaning, rinse, repeat

I want to have LAZY SUNDAY.  I really do…boys think we are.  Because?  I’m refusing to leave the house.  But?  That doesn’t ‘mean’ lazy Sunday.

Laundry, clean rooms, dishes, laundry, cleaning carpets, laundry, give kitten medicine, get these toys away from me, laundry.

It’s an amazing day – in the 80s.  Boys in and out.  Dogs in and out.  Cat wishing for in and out.

Laundry.

Maybe I sat on the deck.  Maybe.

Maybe I caught up on some work, because I took Friday off.  Maybe.

Maybe I did a little Facebook.  Maybe.

Maybe I’m blogging.  Well, that’s obvious.

Laundry…..dryer went off.  Washer went off.

And?  I’m blogging….not about divorce, but laundry.

Maybe I’ll blog on the deck.  Where I can’t hear the laundry.

Love,
I hate laundry

I don’t think I can…I CAN

Yep, I can.  I can do stuff.

I can:

Keep house straight
Do all laundry
Get homework done
Get all meals made
Take care of 6 pets
Clean up disgusting things from above mentioned pets
Take out the trash
Sign all the necessary school related papers
Break up numerous Ginger boy in-fighting shenanigans
Go on a trip for Spring Break
Go to the store
Change batteries
Require my boys to clean up their messes
Get things done at the office
Keep details notes on every flipping thing related to my divorce…to the nth degree
Manage to buy the right things at the grocery
Commit to cleaning out closets (Just commit…not done…yet)
Unstop toilets
Change all the air filters
Get clothing for younger Ginger that now wears a larger size than older Ginger
Answer 15,343 emails per day
Keep it together…somehow.

Yep…I can.  Sometimes….I falter and think “crap…I can’t…”

But…

I must…so ‘can’t’ isn’t an option.

Love,
Keeping it Together with Hateful Joy